ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
