Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I deserve this hangover.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
