doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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