I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
