Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
