whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
