Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
