dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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