the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
did i walk over a car last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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