So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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