I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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