If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
