I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
