they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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