So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
