can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
