i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
