I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
whose ass print is on the piano?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
