R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
