Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
