All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
