idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
