I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
