I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
