i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
