I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
