Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
