Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
