Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
