im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
