Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
