That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
