I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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