the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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