haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
