So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
