arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
