I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
