we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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