Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I smell stomach acid.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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