took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
