ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
