getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
