Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A bitchslap is in order.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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