I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
