SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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