If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
