Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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