Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
