I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
