We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
