and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
