Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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