I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
