It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
